shadows of the "Okay", she reluctantly said...She smiled and walked away. June 6, 1992 At the gates, she stood frightened. It's 7:30 in the morning and the bell started ringing. The shadows of the towering blocks that held it in place stretched over her. She grips Papa's hand. "Come on now. Let's get inside." She had never held Paps' hand so tightly than that day. She had never felt so excited and frightened before and this big hand made her feel assured. It wasn't easy to let that hand go. Papa felt the same way. But he'd never say it. He had to be the stern man. He saw himself in no other way. To show softness, he felt, was a sign that people can push you around. So he had to be strong for himself and for his daughter, until she is able to fight her own battles. And there she was, in her first fight... "Papa, I'm afraid. I don't want to go in." "Nonsense! There's nothing to be afraid about, you stupid girl. You go inside and do your best. I'll get you ice cream after." That was one of the many promises he made that never came true. There was no ice cream, no bicycle, no barbie...
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After losing my mother, after losing a lover, after losing my innocence, after losing a dream, after losing hope... I've realized that it's never an easy or pretty process moving on.
It feels like sometimes you need a hundred thousand years and that you're fighting a hundred million men. But the harsh truth is that moving on may take an entire lifetime and you're only fighting with yourself. Sometimes you win but more often you lose. It's hard but it's necessary in a life filled with loneliness, grief and despair if only to find that one true place where bliss lies. Good luck to us all. |
Rhodaviv Villarosa AvilaThe author of this blog is currently an English and Literature College Instructor in Camarines Norte State College, Daet in the tropical paradise, the Philippine archipelago. Archives
August 2014
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